I Am

This past Tuesday completed three weeks of intense effort around the completion of the iPEC training program for Energy Leadership.  It has been a time of growth, reflection, and a lot of work.

Working with my coach this week – yes coaches have coaches too- we processed a lot of this growth and I identified the feeling of “growing” too much, too fast and that I “needed a break”.  I also realized that recently I’ve been using technology non-stop when not interacting with people.  Strangely, for me anyway, the interaction with people was the part I enjoyed, while the technology thing, “not so much”.

I was left desiring an analogue world. Enviously, I thought of my son’s vinyl record collection, longing to hear music generated by a physically explainable piece of technology that you can actually see at work.

I wanted to read a book, not on my Kindle, or iPad, not an audiobook but a real book.  I had a flashback to the original Star Trek series in which Jim Kirk is being defended by the last lawyer in the Federation who was transported with his books, and he waxed on about how cool they were.  When I saw the episode as a kid,  I thought “what a load of crap”. Now however, I wanted a book – and absolutely nothing on “growth.”

My coach suggested that I actually go to a book store (most novel of ideas!) and I thought how quaint, shop in a store, what an adventure this will be. I stopped into the “real” world equivalent of Fox Books from “You’ve Got Mail” and mused that what  goes around, often comes back around. The big box guys are dying, while the little guys that are left might be the only ones able to compete with on-line book sellers and  e-books.  I went in to buy Vince Flynn’s retro piece on Mitch Rapp – I wanted low energy with lots of action to get out of my funk.

The universe, God, Spirit, Gaia, etc – intervened. Wayne Dwyer has a new book, “Wishes Fulfilled”.  Of all my spiritual and life teachers , Wayne simply resonates with me.  Wayne has been known to drop the F bomb to his spiritual audiences. I can relate to Wayne.  Don’t get me wrong, Deepak Chopra, Echardt Tolle, Ram Das, Don Miguel Luis are all wonderful – but I seem to just relate to Wayne.

So I picked up the book, merely to take a peak mind you, and somehow, it followed me home.  Three days later, I am half done with Wayne’s book.  I did read the first two pages of Flynn’s book, and plan to finish it this weekend because that is what I said I would do. However right now, I am enjoying Wayne’s book.

To summarize Wayne’s new book – “I AM”. I tend to absorb material from Wayne over time, first reading excepts, playing with them. Then going back and reading the whole thing, then listening to it on audio, then referring back when I, inevitably, forget.  I have not yet begun to scratch the surface of this new material, but I started to meditate with the intention of getting in touch with the wisdom of my ancestors. Incidentally, thanks to some recent genealogy research into cousins  I never knew about, I have a good feel for the wisdom of my for-bearers.  I know that my great grandmother ran a business and raised three very independent daughters,  one of whom photo-documented the family’s history in the early 1900’s.  The images depict strong women who knew who they were and lived it, not over-shadowed by their three successful brothers.  My grandmother’s sister, Julie Connors, was murdered in July 1912 in “the crime of the century” that played out in the NY Times for days when the manhunt for the killer went national.  All of this wisdom became available in my meditation this morning; the growth and the knowledge that all of that and more is available to me to use however I want because we all are “I AM”.

Time is an illusion. We have access to the field of intelligence of the totality of all time, if we only learn to tap it.  We are all one and we are all God.  The female version of Wayne; in that she is both spiritual and human, Marianne Williamson is famous for saying “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

So this weekend, as I read the Flynn novel, I will be a bit detached from the emotion of it, yet more in touch with what the story is triggering in me.  I am sure there is a lesson in that book as well because there are no mistakes and my selection of that book came to my intuition out of a feeling of not being enough or doing too much.

I guess what I said last week is true – once you know – you can’t not know.  And I know that I am powerful beyond belief as is everyone else that chooses to be.

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