Does is ever seem that you and your spouse can never seem to get on the same page? You are focused on what is really important, and for some strange reason, they just don’t get it! They either don’t agree on what is important, or their approach to resolving the issue is way out of line with how you would handle it. You don’t want to get into that same old dance again: either losing your cool and letting them have it, or getting all huffy and giving them the silent treatment. Either way, it’s NOT going to get the issue resolved. And more importantly, it’s just going to drive that wedge between you two even deeper. Improving your relationship might not be as hard as you think. Let’s take a look at one couple’s story.
A Case Study on Relationships: Learning a New Dance
When John and Rhonda started working with OnCOREventures, they were frustrated and fearful that their marriage was over. They just couldn’t seem to see how they would ever be able to come to a peaceful resolution.
They Don’t See It My Way!
John just wanted to take the actions that were necessary to accomplish all the things they planned on. He wanted to finally make those improvements around the house and take that family trip they had been talking about. But Rhonda could never come to a decision. She was always coming up with a better solution for the design of the kitchen, the type of stove they should get, and where the perfect destination for their trip would be. This made no sense to John. How were they ever going to get anything done if Rhonda was constantly changing the plans! And of course, as you can imagine, Rhonda couldn’t understand why John was so anxious to just ‘get it done’ when they hadn’t talked about it enough and come to a conclusion together. As you can imagine, little stresses from their difference of opinions led to bigger and bigger disagreements, until they just weren’t really sure why they seemed to be drifting apart and why they ALWAYS disagreed about simple things.
Coming to an Understanding
When John finally reached out for help, he came to understand that Rhonda’s approach had nothing to do with her trust in him and his abilities. He learned that how she looked at the world and approached decisions was just very different from the way that he did. No surprise to us! We all are unique and have our own perspectives. But when we are talking about that one person who we think we know so well, we assume that they see things the exact same way that we do…or at least they should!
When you realize that your partner doesn’t see things exactly as you do, that they have their own way of processing the world and their own ‘reflex’ response to stress, you are able to set the foundation for better communication. By bringing Rhonda into our conversations with John, and helping each of them to really understand themselves and each other, we saw their relationship take on a deeper meaning and a renewed life.
Strengthening Relationships through Self-Knowledge and Understanding
When we work with our clients at OnCOREventures, we get to the heart of what is really meaningful to them, their values, their priorities, and their vision. We explore what drives them, what inspires them, what they can do to create a life of purpose and fulfillment.
Having a clear understanding of your core values, what drives you and how you naturally process the world and interact with others will not only will help you create a strong bond with your partner, but will help you to improve all relationships in your life. We use a tool called the Core Values assessment that helps individuals get clear about the way that they naturally express and contribute, no matter what situation they are in. People who take the assessment are amazed how accurately it gets to the core of what matters most to them, and when they learn how to apply this wisdom in their lives, they experience a transformation. As with this case, not one life was transformed, but two!
To learn 7 Amazing Ways you can transform your relationship with the Core Values Assessment, sign up here.
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